Paperback Writer - the Sequel

I suppose you want an update on the whole Babs Cartland adventure.  Yes, with photos.  After all, who wouldn't want to set themselves up on the internet to be ridiculed by all and sundry.  

This morning I decided to go the whole hog and get myself some false eyelashes - if a thing's worth doing, etc etc.

Didn't want to go TOO overboard though, so after lengthy deliberation I chose some 'natural-look' lashes designed by Girls Aloud.  Who'd have thought those talented songstresses would have had the time and inclination to design false eyelashes?

A considerable amount of water has flowed under the bridge since I last wore false eyelashes, and they are every bit as difficult to put on now as they were years ago.  But, with persistence,  they were eventually stuck in place, although sadly, I'm afraid the overall effect was more Danny La Rue than Cheryl Cole.  

I obviously wasn't short of bling, thanks to my serious charity-shop-diamante addiction.  (I actually thought I had it under control, then I spotted that real diamond tiara for 3 quid, and I was back off the wagon)  I wonder if you can get a week in the Priory for a costume jewellery habit.

Anyway, enough of the waffle, I guess you just want to see the proof.

Here's me hanging about backstand, awaiting my entrance, firstly wearing a black lace dress that Ms Cartland had specially made for a TV interview following the death of Princess Di

And then the more traditional pink

And here's a selection of the other ladies in their various outfits ..

 

It's not every day you get the opportunity to wear a bit of history, so I'm glad I did it, and we did all have a laugh.  Oh, and thanks to my mates who turned up in support ( and took the photos) - although to the one who said it was a 'cracking night' - you really do need to get out more.

It was a bit of a cultural leap from earlier in the day - I'd had a guitar lesson when I'd spent an hour or so desperately  trying to play 'If You Wanna' by the Vaccines.  That was brilliant - and much more me.

Now, I bet you CAN get in The Priory for multiple personality disorder.

Paperback Writer

Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Barbara Cartland.

As reported in the local press, there is to be a charity event in Hertford this evening, where I and some other barmy volunteers will be wearing some of Barbara's frocks.

I will try and ensure someone gets some photographic evidence, and if it's not TOO hideous, I'll post it here tomorrow.  Obviously, I may just wish to draw a veil over the whole thing.

Of course, if you are near the Corn Exchange in Hertford yourself this evening, you may wish to come and see for yourself!

Anyone remember how to put false eyelashes on???

Paperback Writer - Beatles

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

I'm writing this from my sick bay - I am full of germ and aches and had to cancel a shopping trip today, so I MUST feel rough.  And, I didn't get up until about a 12.30, which is most unlike me.  Anyway, enough moaning, a brief word about what I've been doing this week before I was struck down.

I went on a girls night at MANICS - no, it's not a nightclub - it's a china painting shop (much more fun and you don't have to teeter about in ridiculous heels and a boob tube)  You choose a piece of once-fired pottery, paint your design, and then leave it to be glazed and re-fired and collect it a couple of days later.  It was really good fun and I'll do it again.  Here's what I did (predictably)

Or, if I'm feeling delicate and ladylike, I can turn it around -

 

On Friday, ignoring a slightly sore throat, I did a 7 or 8 mile walk on Friday around Much Hadham, Perry Green and Widford, including through Henry Moore's garden

Actually, it wasn't supposed to take us THROUGH the garden, we were supposed to skirt round it, but my map reading left a bit to be desired.  The groundsmen were very nice though, and didn't have us done for trespassing, and even pointed us in the right direction.

The walk took longer than we anticipated, not least because the book I was going by was published about 20 years ago, meaning that one of the pubs referred to is now a private residence, so we missed it, and then one of the footpaths had been diverted and it took us ages to find our way back to where we should be.  Then finally, one of the fields we were due to cross had horses in it.  I'm fine with them, but my friend confided that she doesn't do horses, so we had to do barbed wire instead.  We both decided 'under' was probably preferable to 'over' so we had to lie flat on our backs and wriggle under the fence, which is difficult when you can't stop laughing.  Needless to say, there are no photographs of that bit.  Anyway, we got back safely, and had tea and cake at Hopleys Garden Centre.  

Which only left me about an hour and a half to get home, shower and change and go out again for a gig at the Corn Exchange in Hertford - Whole Lotta Led, who were brilliant as always, and if you are a Led Zep fan I recommend you check them out.

Yesterday, I helped out with Young Embroiderers', and under Gina's  excellent tutorage, we all made 'Button Babes'.  See Gina's blog for photographs of all the wonderful work the Young Embroiderers produced, but here's what one Old Embroiderer came up with.

I just hope I didn't give them all my germs.  Must go, I need another hundredweight of tissues and another lie down.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon - Small Faces

White Wedding

I've found the answer to a smaller waist and a flat tum - no dieting or exercise required.  Gina, Pam and I went to an exhibition of corsets at Hitchin Museum yesterday, and they had some that you could try on.  With some assistance I got mine done up (it fitted marginally better once I realised I'd had it on back to front to start with.  Apart from the trimmer figure, I think it would make you stand and walk straighter, and probably move more gracefully.

There were some pretty wild claims for the health benefits of corset-wearing in the old adverts displayed.  Apparently they cured rheumatism, gout, brain fag(?!?) lethargy and digestion.  Obviously Advertising Standards weren't around then.

There were some pretty ones too, I particularly liked these

Maybe I'll make one.

Changing the subject just a bit, I don't know whether you'll have heard or not, but there's going to be a wedding today.

  

Incidentally, do you know how to work out your 'Royal' name.  It's the name of your Nan or Grandad, with the name of your first pet, and then the street you grew up on.  So mine is Gladys Bunty-St Leonard.  And my sister is Violet Snowball-St Leonard.  Let me know what yours is (oh come ON, don't pretend you haven't just worked it out!)

I'm neither pro- or anti-Royalist.  They are just there, and I don't mind.  They provide a little entertainment from time to time, some of them work hard, some of them wear or say odd things, but generally they don't interfere with me and I don't interfere with them.  And I'm not sure that getting rid of them, to replace them with someone else, would necessarily be an improvement.

So, although I didn't feel the need to throw a street party, or hang out bunting, or camp out in Parliament Square for a week - which would probably entail all the bad points of Glastonbury, but with none of the good -  I will watch it on the box, and I'll be interested in the frock, and I really hope it doesn't rain - as much for the bride's sake, as for the fact I've just hung some washing out.

This evening though, I will be going to see a Sex Pistols tribute band.  It's all about balance.

White Wedding - Billy Idol

Come On Down

Just a quick one.
If you are in or around Hertford tomorrow - do try and come along to the all-new Arts and Craft Market in the Corn Exchange (in Fore Street).  It's going to be a monthly event and I'm really looking forward to it.  I've not got a stall or anything, but maybe in the future....

Hope to see you there.

Come on Down - The Kooks

Get Happy!

I rang my little sis (Patchwork Linda) this morning who told me off for my miserable post on Friday night and said I hadn't mentioned all the nice things I'd done.  And it's true, I had intended to, I just needed to get my theatre trip off my chest, and then I ran out of time.  Anyway, it's now time to redress the balance.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a relaxing few days in Norfolk at my parents - with proper dinners (thanks Mum!) some lovely  walks in the sunshine

and with the added bonus of a surprise present from my sister (I can't think WHY she thought of me when she saw this)

Then the following weekend I met up with Linda again, and her Norfolk based patchwork group The Flying Geese for their annual "Go It Alone" weekend at Belstead House near Ipswich.

Yeah, I know, I'm not a patchworker, I'm not a member of her group, and I don't even live in Norfolk, which just proves that it's not WHAT you know. Belstead House is one of the rapidly diminishing number of Adult Training Centres, and it runs a wide variety of courses throughout the year, including lots of arty-textile-y weekends.  If you fancy going, you'd better get in quick because it's due to close in 2012  which will be a real shame.  It's a lovely venue, with excellent tutors and the food is great.  So great that you feel compelled to go for a walk before breakfast just to burn off a few of the previous day's calories. That's the house in the background.

As I don't really do patchwork, I took the opportunity to finish off some projects that have been hanging around for a while - I sewed up a jacket knitted in denim yarn, I tacked together a dress that I found in the depths of my fabric cupboard, that I'd obviously cut out years ago and forgotten about.  I'm not big on tacking but I thought I'd better check it was going to fit - which it does, so I will now finish it, oh  and I made a bag.  Linda, who is a prolific patchworker, cut out and put together a quilt of her own design 

and, not only that, finished loads more of the Liberty fabric hearts that she's making into a double bed quilt.

It's going to look beautiful.

And finally, on Saturday I went to Berkshire to visit my friend Lynn for the weekend, and to start her off with some machine embroidery tuition.  We had a lovely time stitching and chatting - we had a lot to catch up on, as we've not seen one another for a couple of years.  Lynn was showing me her new bedroom, and when she opened her new wardrobe doors, I just had to get my camera and take a picture.  I thought you only saw wardrobes like this in style magazines

So much colour!  Although I have to say, mine is colour coordinated too - everything's black.  

So, that's more or less it, apart from the odd stint at Leyton Orient, a few days at work, and a brilliant gig at KoKo in Camden - Jim Jones Revue   No, I didn't know much about them either.   They describe themselves as Punk Rock Blues, and I'd say it's a bit 'Jerry-Lee-Lewis-on-speed'.  A really good night, and my ears are nearly better now.

Get Happy - Rufus Wainwright (as Judy Garland)

Never Again!

I have just wasted three hours of my life.  I talked my poor friend Jill into coming to see a production of "The Birthday Party" by Harold Pinter at a local theatre.  

The evening didn't start well - we had deliberately arrived in good time so we could have a look at an art exhibition displayed there.  It had apparently been massively over-subscribed with entries and consequently, we were told that everything was of a very high standard.  Now, I accept that everyone has different tastes, and you can't expect to like all the pieces in an exhibition - but to be honest I'd have been hard pushed to find anything that I'd want as a gift.  Of particular note were two cheap 9" canvases liberally smeared with thick nasty green and mustard paint.  It wasn't even skillfully smeared. I can only think that whoever judged the entries sees things differently to me.

When I say I wasted three hours, I suppose that's a slight exaggeration. After all, I enjoyed the walk down into town and back, and the lemonade I had during the interval was very, er,  lemony.

But I'm afraid to say the play was absolutely dire - I had no idea what it was about;  before, during or after the performance (and neither had Jill - and she's got a degree and everything!) so I came back and read up about it on t'interweb, and I'm still none the wiser. 

The best bit was when two women in the audience, who had clearly been partaking of something considerably stronger than lemonade, decided they've had enough of the play, and stumbled up out of the auditorium, tripping and giggling, and then you could hear the click-clack of their heels as they clattered all the way along one aisle and back, and then all the way down another aisle, in an attempt to make good their escape.

  

No, that's definitely enough of the highbrow stuff for me, I'm sticking to loud rock'n' roll from now on.

I'd intended to report about the other stuff I've been doing, with pictures of things I've made, but to be honest, after tonight, I feel completely underwhelmed.

"NEVER AGAIN" - yeah, I know it's Nickleback, but after tonight, even THEY don't seem so bad.